


Aftermath

by ARosa



Category: TMNT 2016, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
Genre: Angst, Death, Explict Language, F/M, Heartbreak, Love, Love Triangle, NSFW, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-07-12 01:07:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7078210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ARosa/pseuds/ARosa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donatello's death was sudden and horrifically unexpected. Leo, Raph, and Mikey struggled to move forward without their purple clad brother while Emery refused to live a life without her beloved Donnie. </p>
<p>Raphael blames while Leonardo protects the one person who is unknowingly capable of gluing together the pieces of their broken spirits and ultimately, winning their hearts. </p>
<p>Raphael or Leonardo? The leader or the muscle?</p>
<p>Multiple Chapter Fanfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Leo entered the apartment through the window that would always be kept open for them. She was more than welcoming and loved unexpected visits. She was family. 

Her home was full of life and energy. The scent of fresh flowers made the space smell like a field of blooming lilacs. He would do anything for her apartment to feel lively once again. 

It wasn't the dimming sunlight that made the apartment feel heavy and somber. The flowers now withered in their vase, decaying lifelessly over the rim, adding to gloominess. Dust collected over the untouched and unmoved items throughout her home which meant she still didn't have the strength. 

The door was wide open and he stood just outside her bedroom. She sat at the edge of her bed, staring aimlessly at the peach colored walls. The circles under her eyes had deepened a shade darker since his last visit and her skin paler. Leo's heart ached to witness her wasting away. He wondered what else was left for him to try to bring her back. 

“Emery.” He called for her as he walked in. He knelt down beside her, looking at the fraile and almost lifeless woman before him. 

Slowly, she turned to face him. Her eyes as red and swollen as the day Donnie died. “Em.” He reached for her hands that rested on her lap. “You can't keep like this. You have to try and move forward. Donnie wouldn't want this.”

“I can't Leo.” She managed to say through dry cracked lips. “I don't know how.”

Leo sighed, allowing his shoulders to drop. He knew too well her feeling. He left his eyes drop from hers as guilt poured into him. How could he have let her fall so far? How could he have let Donnie down by not looking over her? Leo shook his head, disappointed in himself. “You're coming with me.” He said standing. “There's something you have to see.” 

“What about Raph?” She said with the same dry voice. 

“Don't you worry about Raphael. He's not going to hurt you. I promise.” 

Their eyes spoke a silent language. Leo's strong blue eyes pleading for her to agree while Emerys green eyes remained unreadable. 

Much to his surprise she nodded, agreeing to accompany him. “Okay.” 

Over the rooftops among the darkening city and through the sewer tunnels Leo carried her until they finally arrived at the lair entrance. Carefully he placed her down, noticing her hurried breathing. “We can take a minute if you need too?” 

Emery closed her eyes and attempted to exhale the anxiety that had bubbled up. She hadn't stepped foot inside the lair since Raphael demanded for her to never return. She opened her tired eyes and nodded, giving Leo the sign to open the lair door. “I'm ready.” 

Walking in felt overwhelming. So much had changed and yet, the lair remained unchanged. The same graffiti painted the concrete walls and the arrangement of the furniture unmoved but much to Emerys surprise and heart wrenching dismay, Donnie's large section of screens was exactly the same. The monitors were on, his skateboard chair in the position he had left it, and the scattered trinkets and keyboards lay under a layer of dust. 

Emery did not dare not touch a single object, afraid she would lose every shred of herself once again. “It's been hard….without him.” Leo commented standing beside her. “Come. It's right here in the dojo.” Leo's arm gently moved her from the spot, guiding her away before she froze in place. 

He walked her into the dojo and took her to the farthest wall, where their weapons were kept. “I thought you'd like to see it.” 

Before her was Donnie's bo staff, cracked extensively at one end. The purple mask of her fallen love tied to it. “I will be back with Sensei.” Leos said, leaving her alone in the dojo. 

Emery didn't look away. This was the first time she had seen it and the sight of how damaged his weapon was almost paralyzed her. It took all the strength she could muster to touch the mask she once passionately tangled her fingers in. 

Her eyes closed as her fingers ran down the fabric. The material felt the same as it ever did and a chill went up her spine making her shiver. “Donnie.” Emery whispered. 

“What tha-” A voice came from far behind. 

Emery turned, fearful, knowing exactly who the bellowing sound belonged to, Raphael. 

Raph's eyes momentarily widened, not only surprised at her presence but at her appearance. She was half the woman she used to be. Seconds felt like lifetimes as they stared at one another but rapidly, his surprise was overtaken by a growing rage. 

“What tha hell you doin’ here?! And who tha fuck gave yah permission tah touch that?!” He stormed into the dojo, his footsteps loud and heavy. His enormous body tensed and his fists balled at his sides. 

“Raphael no!” Leos yells fell on deaf ears. Emery and Raph too concentrated on each other to register Leos shouting. 

Raph was closing the distance and fear forced Emery to stepped back. Her back hit the wall with a loud thud. Her breathing increased and she was now panting. A fist rose from his side, directly aimed at her. Emery’s eyes shut tightly, bracing herself for the life ending blow. 

Ferociously his fist landed, inches away and narrowing miss her skull. The sound of the concrete cracking and giving way under his fist sent her skin crawling. Emerys eyes fluttered open and Raphs menacing glare was felt deep into her core. She couldn't hold his piercingly ill gaze and turned her head, succumbing to the fury he radiated like the sun. 

“Get away!” Leo roared as he tackled Raphael to the dojo floor. They both fell with a loud thump. 

“Like she don't deserve it!” Raphs yell matched Leos as he pushed him off. They sized each other, measuring their difference in size and height. Both had very different fires burning in  
them. Raphael's needed to seclude Emery away from his family for he believed with every cell in his body, that she was responsible for Donnie's death. “Yah know just as much as I do that she's tha reason why Donnie was out there in tha first place!” 

“That's enough Raph! You will not tyrannize Emery! You have a responsibility to Donnie to protect and care for her! If Donnie were here he-” 

“Well he ain't Leo! And we got her tah thank now don't we!” Raphael screamed and pointed a thick callused digit in Emerys direction. 

Emery watched the fight unfolding before her in disbelief, her heavy breathing refusing to cease and the fear that Raph had instilled, surged through her terrified and paralyzed body. For the first time in over 6 months, she felt something aside from the crippling, mind numbing pain that Donnie's death left behind. 

Fear.


	2. I Offer You My Haven

Each balled fist flew with accuracy, purpose, and strength. Neither Leo and Raph backing down from their position. What had begun as a confrontation involving Emery, escalated to something far beyond. It was no longer a fight about her presence in the lair. It had turned into the never ending fight for dominance. 

Each swing passed before her in slow motion. She had seen them quarrel in the past but never had it peaked as far as in this moment. The scene playing out reminded her of Donnie. He almost always intervened during their squabbles. He may have been the leanest of them but he was strong. Strong enough to tear them way from each other and smart enough to calm them both down with ease. Reminding them of what they were, family. Brothers. 

Closing her eyes, she could picture him. Rushing in from his lab, most likely knocking over a beaker or almost tripping on tools he had scattered on the floor. The notion made her smile faintly. 

“Enough!” The strength of the lone word destroyed the vision she had created. The voice was all it took to break Leo and Raph up. They immediately ceased their rumble and faced their speaker. “Raphael! Have you no respect?!” The disappointment he felt in his red clad son echoed in his mighty voice. “This is the woman that tried to save your brother and yet, you treat her cruelly?!” 

Splinter.

Emery had successfully evaded him in fear that he too had hatred towards her. He opened his home and heart. Gave his blessing to the relationship she and his son had begun and all she gave him in return was a fatally injured Donatello. 

None knew of when their father had come in along with Mikey. The heat in his eyes bore down on his sons making them shift with unease. 

Raphael attempted to raise his eyes to reason his actions but failed to find the words to plead his case. He knew he had done wrong but as Splinters disappointed stare rained on him. He realized he had crossed a line.   
Splinter could see Raphael's body shift and knew his son had came to the realization of his wrong doing. Even though Raphael was coming to terms, he could not accept such behavior. “To the hashi Raphael!” He lashed at his son. “I shall deal with you momentarily.” 

Raphael obeyed his Sensei without question and abandoned the dojo without so much as a glance back. The still visible aggression in his strut shouted the unspoken words of his pent up frustration. Blaming Emery for his brother's death was all he had. She was the reason why he was out that day. He needed someone to punish, to hold responsible. Splinter denied him of any sort of vengeance thus, forcing him to aim his rage at the only person left. Emery. 

A calmer and much softer demeanored Splinter called upon his remaining sons. “Michelangelo. Leonardo. Would you prepare some tea for our guest?” 

“Yes Sensei.” They replied immediately. 

Leo looked over to a teary eyed and frightened Emery as he made his way out. The fear that she bared was his fault. A visual reminder of his broken promise to shield her from Raph. He had failed, yet again, to protect someone he loved. Self doubt chipped at his already cracked spirit and the tear that ran down her fragile face added to his hidden brokenness. 

Silence fell upon the dojo once more with the occasional sounds of clanging glasses. Splinter studied Emery as if she were a ghost. Her pale complexion and still swollen eyes worried him deeply. Time had not helped in her grieving, she had remained suspended in the painful memory. “My child.” His soft and concerned voice reached Emery's ears. The sound of his warm voice was enough to ease her frightened state. “Why have you waited so long to return?” 

The question took her by surprise. She expected a reaction similar, but not as eruptive, as Raphs. She moved her glistening eyes from the floor and met with Splinters. They were as she remembered, full of wisdom and patience. “I...I couldn't. He's everywhere here.” Emerys voice began to crack. The quietness in the lair was heavy and she gave herself a second to clear her throat and gather her strength. “He's in everything Sensei.” 

Splinter nodded in agreeance. The lair, their home, would have remained empty if it were not for Donatello. His genius son loathed the state of their living situation growing up. Having to wait until the dead of night to sneak into Central Park just to bathe, to scavenge for food in dumpsters was pitiful in his eyes. Even if they were mutant turtles, he was not going to allow his family to live in such filthy conditions. Recalling how many sleepless night his son endured since then. He started a new project everyday. Always better than the last to bring in clean running water and electricity off the grid. Without him, they may not have made it this far. “Indeed he is. Donatello is everywhere. He is in everything. He is with us at all times.” 

Splinter's words sunk into her, weighing down on her already broken spirit. “Is it my fault Sensei? Did I do this?” Low sobs escaped her body, causing her shoulders to bounce with every cry. Emery had asked herself constantly if the blame rested on her shoulders and her answer was always the same; yes. 

A soft touch landed upon her shoulder and Emerys eyes opened to see Splinter standing near. Tears flowed over her cheeks and down her neck, leaving glistening trails of wetness behind. Splinter knew too well her suffering. The torturous pain of losing his son was unmeasurable. Yet, somehow, he had taught himself and his sons to cope and push forward. Witnessing Emery lost in a sea of sorrow was not acceptable, she needed to be drained of her grief. He pulled her in close, surrounding her within the warmth of his arms. Every ounce of strength she had regained over the months washed away within seconds. Her low cries were turning into loud and uncontrollable sobs. 

Mikey and Leo watched Emery break before them. It was not easy for them to stand by and hear her cry out for Donnie. Mikey glanced at Leo, looking for any kind of guidance as he felt his own pain stir. But Leo's eyes never met his. 

Mikey's hands started to shake with uneasiness and he set down the hot chamomile tea. Leo finally looked over at his younger teary eyed brother and right before he could attempt to comfort him, Mikey joined his Sensei in holding Emery. 

Her cries echoed throughout the lair walls, engulfing every dormant room until landing upon Raphael's ears. Raph had been pacing back and forth, angrily bickering to himself about what he had done. Then the first wave of sound hit him. Stopping in his tracks, he looked around as if searching for the source. As more and more cries swept through, he realized what and who it was. Temporarily frozen to his place, Raph listened to the wails she sounded out. They reminded him of how he too had screamed. 

Gasping for air, Emerys cries slowed until she was completely drained of her tears. She felt empty once again. Splinter and Mikey held her close for a couple of minutes longer while Leo stood close and watched, feeling helpless. He wanted nothing more than to comfort Emery. To hold her close and protect her as he promised Donnie he would. Leo knew what he wanted to do but why was it so difficult to do so? 

“Dear Emery,” Splinter voice vibrated throughout his chest and over the side of Emerys face, “I can feel  
just how weak you are. Your heart is heavy with sadness which you have yet to find a way to heal. I ask that you remain with us, at least until you are strong enough.” 

Emery was taken back by his offer. Only once before had Leo proposed this type of intervention. A proposal she quickly turned down. She would not burden them with her daily presence at such a crucial and life altering time. They needed to lean on each other, not take care of her. Remembering all the reasons why she rejected Leos proposal the first time around, she opened her lips to respectfully decline Splinters invitation. “I can't do that Sensei. As much as I appreciate the offer, I just couldn't.” 

“I know you have avoided returning but it is time to stop running. This is your home. You would not be a bother and your company would be very much appreciated by us all.”

Emery listened to his words carefully. Running she indeed was and she would be lying if she said she didn't want to say yes. She sincerely missed the place that had become her home. The place she knew like the back of her hand. Where she laughed, cried, learned, grew, and fell in love. “I don't think Raph would be too happy.” Emery said softly lowering her head. “He would be the farthest thing from happy to have me down here.” 

Mikey chuckled slightly. It was a very welcomed sound to hear once again. His laugh was always contagious and his smile could brighten the gloomiest of days. Although it wasn't as bright and bubbly as before, his small laugh was nothing short of amazing. “Brah, you know how Raph is. Bad and mad one second, giant cuddly teddy bear the next. Yah just gotta give him some time but you gotta stay Em.” 

It was clear Mikey was on board with Splinters proposal. Having his approval was awfully tempting but as much as she wanted to say yes, her mind returned to Raph. The mere sight of her inside the lair was unacceptable to him. So much so that punched the wall inches away from her. He despised her with every ounce of his being. To see her every day, to have her close, would send him raging. He would never allow her to stay and she would never cause Raph any intentional harm. “As much as I want to, there wouldn't be anywhere for me to sleep. So-” 

“You can have my room.” Leo quickly interrupted without hesitation. This was an opportunity to honor his brother. To make good on the promise he made. Emery needed them and unknowingly, they needed her. He took a step towards her, watching her expression change to one of disbelief. Had he not been so focused on Emery, he would have also seen Splinters lips curl into a small smile and Mikey's grin grow in hopes that this would tip the scales in their favor. 

“I-I...couldn't put you out like that Leo. It's not fair.” Stumbling on her words, Emery was still in shock of what he was giving up. Leo's room was his sanctuary. His space to focus and recenter himself. With the exception of Splinter, Leo did not allow anyone in without permission. She had only caught a few glimpses inside when she would call him out. She had been invited in on several occasions when Donnie and Leo spoke in private but she always declined. She respected that his space was sacred and unless she was absolutely needed, she didn't need to invade his area. 

“You wouldn't be putting me out. I'm giving it to you.” 

Emery stood in silence, her eyes locked with Leos. She hoped her lack of speech would be the answer she couldn't bring herself to say. Afraid her tongue would betray her and sing out what her heart was telling her to say. 

“Stay tonight. Think it over and if in the morning your answer is still no, I'll take you back to your place. How's that?”


	3. Nothing Is Like It Was

Leo lead the way up the small flight of stairs. It was secluded and on the opposite side of Raph and Mikeys room. A smart move to muffle out as much of Mikeys drumming or Donnies handy work. It was also the perfect vantage point, almost the entirety of the lair was in sight. For someone as tactical as Leo, it was close to perfection.

Leo came to a stop and she paused behind the enormity of his shell. As he opened the steel door, Emery expected to hear the hinges complain as they turned, just as every other door in the lair. They didn't. A sign that Leo maintained what was his, even his bedroom door. Leo, always keeping control over what he could. A soft glow illuminated around him and the his frame outlined by the light. He turned his body, pressing his shell against the metal and extending his arm, inviting Emery in.

The feel of Leo's room compared to visiting a museum for the very first time. Everything was new and fascinating. Emery’s senses took it all in. Just as she had imagined, his quarters were extremely tidy, even his impressive bonsai trees had not a branch out of place. The air was light, like a cool night's breeze that smelled delicately of incense. Books lined the shelves and many lite candles illuminated the space. Many subtle details added to the relaxing tranquility of the room and she fully understood as to why he allowed no one in.

“This is yours.” Leo said curiously observing how she surveyed his belongings. “The sheets are clean and there's extra blankets if you get cold. Feel free to use whatever you want.”

Emery gave him a small thankful smile and continued to explore. “Thanks Leo.” Slowly, she made her way around the room, taking mental notes until she noticed something that didn't belong.

“I see he got to your wall too.” She said, looking over to the almost illegible equation permanently written on the wall near the doorway.

Leo moved towards Emery, admiring the jumble off numbers and symbols that connected them. “Yeah.” He chuckled, recalling the day. “You'd think with all those gadgets, he'd have something to take notes on.”

“He did.” Emery informed, keeping her attention on Donnies writing. “But Donnie…” She shook her head, genuinely smiling for the first time. The feeling was warm and almost foreign. A smile that completely caught Leo by surprise. “He couldn't move past a problem if he didn't write it down. He was a pencil and paper type of guy or in his case, a marker and wall. My apartment, his room, the lair, they're full of problems just like this one.”

Leo couldn't help but watch how Emery admired the once seemingly meaningless markings. She seemed to liven up, giving him a glimpse of the woman he remembered. “Do you know what they mean?” He asked, trying to keep the conversation going and her smile from fading.

“Oh god no.” Emerys hand reached out to touch the wall. Her fingers traced the numbers, recreating Donnies movements. “These parameters are too complex for me. Even if I tried, I'd never figure it out.”

“He was a genius wasn't he?” Leo stared at them with as much emotion as Emery. A pang of guilt rang through him, remembering the argument that ensued with Donnie, wishing he could go back in time and change his reaction. If only he could, he'd change so much. He also couldn't help feeling a spark of happiness seeing Emery, his friend, smile once again. Reminiscing with someone besides his brothers, someone who knew him differently, was a pleasure all on its own.

“He was.” The fondness of his memory keeping her smile from falling. It was the first time she had spoken openly about Donnie without feeling restricted. Coworkers and classmates knew of him but only the details that kept the questions at bay. It was liberating. “He really was.”

Moments passed with ease and the silence was comforting. Each other's presence, quietly standing next to one another, experiencing the same emotions . Even if it was for a fraction of time, the pain and loneliness that had riddled them had subsided.

As much as he was enjoying the present, Leo didn't want to linger for too long. Rest was what she needed and making her feel at home again was his priority. “If you need anything, anything at all, I'll be right out here.”

Emerys attention snapped back to reality and her smile fell almost instantly as Leo swiftly moved away. Nothing could explain as to why she was suddenly uneasy and nervous, as if all the oxygen was being deprived from her lungs. “Leo,” her voice called out to him anxiously. She'd been alone almost every night, something she hadn't become accustom to, and Leo temporary took that ordeal away. She didn't feel as alone. “Can you stay...here? I don't want to be alone.”

The thought had passed his mind but he didn't dare make such a bold suggestion. He wanted her to be as comfortable as possible and being next to her all night seemed to be the opposite. Or so he thought. “Yeah. Of course. I'll uh...I'm going to step out so you can get comfortable. Is that okay?”

“Yeah.”

Emery watched Leo step out and close the door behind him. The lack of movement down the steps meant he was waiting just outside. Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

The covers were soft and just as he said, clean. They smelled of detergent and it made her wonder if Leo washed his covers daily. The blue in the linens were crisp, as if they were new. Tucking herself in, she curled into the sheets, fisting the ends and tucking them under her chin. She lay thoughtless, staring aimlessly at the flickering flames of the candles.

Knock. Knock.

“Come in.”

***************

Had it been a couple of minutes or hours? Emery didn't know. There was no way to tell within the concrete walls of the underground lair and no clock in sight. Leo slept leaning on the bed and still within arm's reach, right where he said he'd stay. Next to her. He looked so peaceful and unburdened. Leo at his most vulnerable.

Carefully, Emerys hands pushed off the covers. Olive toned eyes kept watch over Leo, analyzing his micro movements while she attempted to be as stealthily as she could to not wake him. Reaching the other side of the bed was as far as she got. “Is everything okay?” A groggy voice asked.

Looking over her shoulder, big, glossy, and brilliant ocean eyes met hers. They were breathtakingly spectacular and in a way, intimidating. “I...um...I have to go to the bathroom. I didn't want to wake you up.”

“It's okay, I'll go with you.” Leo's arm stretched over the bed, his tired body readying itself to stand.

Emery’s hand settled atop of Leo's. His hand felt cool and there was almost no difference in his scales to his skin. Smooth and calloused, a physical similarity to Donnie. “No. You stay here. I'll be right back.”

“Are you sure?” A question he didn't have to ask but did to buy more time. To keep her hand right where it was. Leo had known Emery for many years and besides the occasional hug and playful nudge, they had no other physical contact. Her hand was silky and her warmth kissed his skin like the rays of the sun did.

“Yeah. I'll be back.” Emery took her hand before Leo was ready for its absence.

Gripping the covers, she wrapped their warmth providing layers around her. Cocooning herself away from the cold the concrete walls provided. A coldness she had forgotten. Leo restrained himself from belching out a chuckle, thoroughly amused by the way she looked opening the metal door.

“Emery.”

Stopping inside the doorway, she looked over her shoulder.

“If you run into Raph...call me.”

Blue covers dragged across the floor like a train on a bridal gown as she made her way down the steps and across the lair. Emery kept her eyes on the floor, avoiding any possible distractions but in a place that reminded her of Donnie at every turn, it was impossible.

The familiar glow from Donnies security screens caught her attention. They called to her, pulling her in without her consent. She knew she was going to burn in doing so but she was a moth, the heartbreak that was sure to come was hidden behind the flame.

The multitude of screens unchanged. Their feeds still live and monitoring movements even in the darkest recesses of the city. Everything in its place except for one. She had almost missed it, the absent fluorescent beam. “Why is it off?”

The need to investigate prompted Emery to move past the half dome of screens and over to the darkness behind them. The air became heavy and her body tensed. Swallowing the knot in her throat, she took the final step.

Emerys fingers held the cold metal latch, she could feel the dents and scrapes it had endured over the years. Mostly all caused by Raph seeking refuge from Leo or Mikey. He'd barge in unannounced, no knock or warning. At times, finding Donnie and her in very compromising positions. Raph knew he risked seeing them in the throws of passion every single time but all he needed was the quiet the lab usually offered. It had become his oasis.

Silently, Raph watched from a few feet away. He too remembering the many times he rushed through that very door, and the many times he didn't. Multiple times he stopped right in front, just like Emery, and listened. He listened for rhythmic pounding, soft angelic moans, sharp gasps for air, and muffled curse words that she never used. He never meant to interrupt in such a barbaric manner and catch the unforgettable glimpses of Emerys beautiful naked body.

“Goin’ in?” Raph asked, toning down the coarseness his voice always seemed to have. Attempting not to startle her and to fade away the sinful memory.

Startled, but she didn't turn. Her heart began to race, recalling their last interaction. Leo’s words instantly came to mind. “If you run into Raph, call me.” Her eyes stayed focused on the seemingly endless stickers that covered the labs metal door. She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat and in that moment, she wished she had taken Leos offer.

Feeling like a deer caught in headlights, she had a choice to make. Call out for Leo or try to handle Raph herself. Either choice came with the potential of leading into another altercation. Clearing her throat, she replied carefully. “Have you?”

“I've been in there ah couple of times….it doesn't get any easier though.”

Emerys fingers slipped off the latch and back to her side. A deep exhale escaped her lungs and a loud sigh slipped over her lips. “Will it ever?”

Her question bubbled up the sadness he buried deep beneath the anger, in the hopes this was all a horribly long nightmare.

Turning slowly, Emery pulled her eyes away and faced Raph. Not a word was said. They both fully took in the physical differences in one another. Raph’s physique was bigger, surely due to the weight lifting he used as an outlet. Were as Emery was slimmer, the loss of appetite made away with her once full figure. The vast difference in size had never been greater. The only similarity between them was the tiredness that loomed over their eyes.

“You hungry? I can whip up somethin’.” Raph asked unsteady. Nervously hoping she would see this as his way of apologizing.

“Um...no thanks.” Emery replied, surprised to say the least. She attempted to keep her voice soft and light, hiding the newly instilled fear of him. “I'm not really hungry.”

Raph slowly nodded, slightly disappointed in her answer. “Oh...uh…” He mumbled, rolling his shoulder back, not knowing how to proceed as the silence grew longer and visibly uncomfortable.

“I'm gonna go…” Emery pointed awkwardly over to Leo's room. Her rising uneasiness starting to show. “Before Leo thinks I took off or something.”

Raph noticed the urgency in her walk as she rushed away. He had never been big on apologies, his pride was bigger than he was, but in this moment, he had never been so sure of what he needed to do. The way she walked away from him, as if she was fleeing, he realized that Emery was genuinely afraid of him. “Wait!” He blurted louder than he intended and unintentionally alerting Leo.

Just as the nerves were starting to settle and she was closing in on the safety of Leo's room, she stopped in her tracks. Freezing where she stood, she measured the distance. She was so close to reaching Leo. She could see the dim light peeking underneath his metal door but it felt miles away.

“About earlier. I just...I wanted to...” Raph struggled to find the right words to fully express his regret. Frustration caused him to cover his mouth and curse into his balled up fist. “Fuck.” Letting out a loud deep sigh, Raph let his shoulders and his guard drop. “Look Em. I'm just trying to-”

“Emery?” Leo called out standing outside his open doorway, surprised to see her standing still.

Emerys eyes jumped to Leo and a rush of relief flooded over her. Finally able to release the breath she had been holding. Leo was there.

“What are you doing over there?” Leo asked walking down the steps. His initial thought being that she must have gone over to reminisce over Donnies belongings. Which was something he did very often.

“If you needed anything…” Leo's voice faded once he realized they were not alone. Instantly, his calm demeanor disappeared. Everything changed. He changed. The blue in his eyes descended deeper into dark and sun deprived tones of ocean.

Emery could feel Leo look over her carefully. Inspecting for any signs of heavy eyes, trails of tears, and any physical harm. The tiniest scratch or smallest signal of distress he’d discover was all he needed to unleash the hurricane building within him.

Leo didn't stop until Emery was completely behind him and Raph, directly in front. She could feel Leo press his shell against her back. Was he doing so accidentally or was it an attempt to reassure her? She didn't know what to make of it until a cool calloused hand gripped her forearm, firmly securing her to him.

An unheard gasp seeped out of Emery as Leos hold sent flashbacks playing through her mind. He was keeping her close and within arms reach, protecting her. Ensuring he could physically feel her, as Donnie, her precious selfless Donnie once did. The night she failed to protect him.

“What's going on here?” The question solely aimed at Raph, cold and emotionless.

“Unbunch yer pantys honor boy. We was just talkin’.” Raph grumbled, not only irritated at his brother's sudden appearance but aggravated at his stance.

“Better be.”

“What tha hell is **_that_** suppose tah mean?” Raph's patience was unmeasurably thin when it came to Leo and his insinuations. Losing his tolerance, Leo was on dangerous ground.

Patience was a virtue Leo had mastered and with Raphs lack of, he was exercising control constantly. This moment was just another test and he was not in the mood. “You're not to be alone with Emery. Understood?”

Rage wasn't strong enough of a word to describe the fire Leo had just ignited.“You must be outta yah rabbit as mind if yah think ima let **_you_** tell **_me_** what I can't do.”

As Leo's voice rose, the grip around Emerys arm tightened. “If you see her alone, you are not to join her. If she needs something, you send her to me. If you want to talk to her, then you do it with **_me_** there.”

Leo had enough. He laid down his rules and no longer accepted to entertain Raphs challenges. He turned his attention back to Emery, still holding her. “Go on. I'll be right in.” He instructed.

Emery nodded and his hold loosened. She felt like a fish being released back into the ocean. Fleeing to stay alive, putting distance between her and the tension. Everything was broken. Her presence in the lair would do more harm to them than good. Her decision was made. She couldn't stay.

 


	4. Battle Scars

Harder and harder it became. Her mind slowly coming alive, battling her tired body that didn't want to loosen from the rejuvenating slumber. Sleep had come at last and it wasn't going to let the needed rest slip away so easily. 

Muffled noises came through and her senses started to waken. The music growing in volume and the smell of grilled chicken tickled her nose. Growls came from her empty stomach making it impossible to ignore. . Wiggling her toes, a long yawn escaped. Her mind had won the fight and she awakened. 

Eyes lazily fluttered open, vision partly blurry from the fading drowsiness. The start of a new day was always the hardest. Reality was at its cruelest when she was at her most vulnerable. Alone with her thoughts. The emptiness in her was a massive black hole that continually and relentlessly took and took. 

Everyday, Emery relived the events that lead up to the bloody and vicious ambush. Studying every subtle detail hinting to what was to come. The signs that they were not alone weren't plentiful. Rustling bushes near their cabin as they were unloading was the first clue. She dismissed it as wildlife or the breeze starting to pick up. Occasional sounds of steps landing on fallen leaves and branches could have been caused by even the smallest sized animal nearby. None of Donnies systems had gone off, so naturally, she brushed the signs away. If Donnie didn't seem to notice, she had no reason to give it another thought. 

But the eerie feeling never left. 

Emery cursed at herself, blood coursing hot in her veins. She knew they weren't alone on that mountain, her instincts told her so. She should have taken notice sooner, acted on her suspicions, but she didn't, and she paid the price. 

Donnie paid the price. 

The autumn sky was perfect. Crystal clear and with no clouds in sight. It was the last time a carefree smile spread across her lips. Feeling overjoyed to have one night away from the city. Away from interruptions, responsibilities, school, and their work. Finally alone. There was a strange silence that fell over the wooded area. The wind died and trees stilled, it was as if all sound was muted. Her expression changed when she noticed their absence. 

A movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention. Donnie, returning with the last of the fire wood. It was in that moment, the way Donnie dropped the dry logs from his arms, the way he screamed her name full of urgency, and fear. 

“Emery!” 

She knew. 

It was too late. It was over. 

Emery pushed herself up, forcing her mind to disengage from the vivid flashback. She closed her eyes tight, inhaling through her nose and exhaling slowly through her mouth, attempting to calm her frantic breathing. 

Inhaling sharply, she winced in pain, “ah!” Her hand ran over her neck and down to her left shoulder. Even over the material of her long sleeve, she could feel the scars that Rocksteady, and the surgery she required because of him, left behind. Even though it had taken months to recover and her body had physically healed, the phantom pain remained.

The bone crushing blow that had blindsided her felt as raw as the day it happened. The excruciating burning and agonizing throbbing triggered by the memories. All that was missing was the blood seeping out from the bone deep punctures Rocksteady's bat impaled. Pulling down the neck of her shirt and over her shoulder, the entirety of her scars were exposed. Visibly inspecting the still pink scars, she traced along the healed surgical incision that housed the metal plate and pins. 

They pulsed with the same intensity as a wildfire, burning through her muscles and down to the once shattered clavicle. Weeks she spent in the hospital, sedated for the majority of the time. The constant nightmares and flashbacks of Donnie desperately fighting just to reach her caused her body to jolt in its despair. Stitches constantly ripped causing even more damage to the torn flesh. When Emery was finally allowed off the sedatives, she found herself restrained to her hospital bed. 

Her hands hopelessly tried to ease the flames that radiated through her shoulder with each press. Over and over she tried but nothing helped. The pain was becoming overwhelming. Emery’s eyes started to fill with tears of desperation started to settle in. Her already hitched breathing to turn into gasping. Both her hands pressed on her chest in an attempt to regain control of her breathing but it was useless. 

Frantically, Emery rose to her feet as her chest started to tighten in around her lungs. Instinctively, she headed for the door. With every hurried step, her oxygen deprived lungs started to wheeze. The muscles in her throat ached and threatened to clamp shut. 

Never had she been so grateful for an open door. Had Leo's door been shut, she wouldn't have had the strength to move the heavy metal. 

Leo and Raph sat straight across from where she stood, surely waiting for Mikey to be done cooking the day's first meal. “Leo.” She tried calling out but with the strain, her voice was barely audible. With the music blaring and their shells turned to her, they didn't see her step out nor hear her wheezing calls. “Raphael.” She desperately tried again but to no avail. 

With every gasp, her throat ached and with every swallow, she felt it tighten more and more. The pain in her shoulder gone as quickly as it came, leaving her behind to deal with the asthma attack it triggered. Her hand grasped around her neck and the other pressed along the cold concrete wall, Emery started to make her way down the steps. 

Occasionally, Leo would glance over his shoulder, anxiously waiting to see Emery standing at the doorway. He second guessed his decision to leave the bedroom door open knowing full well that the blasting music would inevitably wake her. She had already slept through the morning hours and well into the afternoo   
n. The bags under her eyes spoke volumes about her sleepless nights but her slimmer figure meant she wasn't eating. With at least 10 hours under her belt, Leo felt what she now needed most was a decent meal. 

“How sure are you about this?” Leo asked flatly without looking over at Raph, perfectly hiding his concern. 

Raph had answered the question multiple times already but surprisingly, he was unbothered by it. “I rememba’ Donnie lookin’ up recipes for her birthday. It's supposed tah’ be her favorite.” There was absolutely no doubt in his mind. He was 100 percent sure. Raph didn't just remember, he had prepared and ultimately cooked her birthday meal after the genius himself underseasoned and undercooked the chicken. According to Donnie afterward, Emery had said it was the most delicious southwest stuffed chicken she had ever had. 

Leo slightly nodded at his red clad brothers response. He wanted to question as to how he knew but at the moment, he didn't want to spark another heated argument, not while Emery was still present. She made it impeccably clear that she was not staying, going as far as trying to walk home in the dead of night. It wasn't until Mikey stepped in that she reluctantly agreed to stay the rest of the day. It was his last chance to make Emery feel safe in a place she once called home. 

Shaking the thought away, Leo once again looked over his shoulder impatiently. He expected to see the doorway still empty, or maybe Emery coming down the steps to join them but instead, he saw her leaning against a wall struggling to breathe. 

Leo's eyes widened and his body reacted before he could command it. “Emery!” He yelled, taking off from his seat. The desperation in her face shook him. 

Raph didn't turn. The urgency in Leo's voice and reaction was enough to alert him of Emery's distress and it sent him running. 

“Emery!” Leo exclaimed once more as he reached her. Without thought, he placed his large hands over hers. Leo could feel the muscles tighten with every attempt she made to refill her lungs. 

As quickly as Leo reached her, so did Raph. He didn't say a word as he looked over her, watching her rapid chest movements and listening to her wheezing sounds. “Raph.” Emery wheezed out, locking eyes with his. Her eyes wide and panicked. Lone heavy tears rolled down her cheeks leaving behind their streams. His expression blank as he could barely hear her call his name.

“I.” Wheeze. “Can't.” Wheeze. “Breathe.” 

Hearing her words hit him like a ton of bricks. He felt useless. He could take on endless amounts of Foot soldiers, go toe to toe with Shredder, challenge Krang on his own technodrome, he was bulletproof for crying out loud, but he couldn't come up with a way to help her. “Com’on think. What would Donnie do?” 

“It's gonna be okay Em.” Raph said as calm and reassuring as he could. “How about yah sit down right here?” His hand hovered her shoulder, hesitant to place it on her, unsure of how she'd react. 

Leo stared at Emery, watching for any sign of disapproval but instead of flinching or pulling away, she nodded. Agreeing to Raphs words. 

“What the heck is goin’ on?!” Mikey, still wearing his ‘NY ❤️’s The Falcon’ apron, ran over and took a knee next to Raph. 

“I don't wantcha tah talk. Yah gotta focus on that breathin’ of yours okay?”

Emery nodded, agreeing once more with Raph. Keeping her eyes set on his, her hand slipped away from held onto the large forearm that belong to him. The small gesture meant more than she would ever know to Raph. It sparked hope in him that she could possibly, one day, forgive him. 

“Do yah have your inhaler?” 

The realization that she had left her rescue inhaler in her apartment caused more tears to swell in her eyes. 

“Hey, hey, hey.” Raph gently squeezed her shoulder. “Dontcha worry. We got one here and I’ma go get it.” 

“Inhaler?” Leo asked puzzled, lost as to why she would need one. 

“Yeah.” Raph answered, not breaking away from Emery. “She's havin’ an asthma attack.” 

Not much surprised Leo but he was completely taken back. Emery had been in there lives close to 5 years now, how did he not know such vital and important information?

With one final squeeze of Emery’s shoulder, Raph was off. Bee-lining as fast as he could to Donnie's lab. He didn't think twice about entering as he normally would. Maybe it was the adrenaline or maybe it was the fact that he seemed to be the only one able to help. Whatever it was, it filled the void in his heart and gave him with a purpose. 

Emery's wheezing continued. It had only been a couple of minutes since her attack started but it felt like an eternity. “Raphs going to be back any second with that inhaler. This'll be over soon.” Leo tried to find words he thought would bring her some comfort but it was useless. 

He felt useless. 

“Mikey! Turn off that music!” Raph yelled, reemerging from across the lair. With the inhaler and chamber already assembled, he wasted no time returning to her. 

Although it wasn't enough, the tiniest wave of relief dispersed over Emery's body. Raph, the turtle who for months wanted nothing more than to erase her from his life, was the one helping her. 

Dropping to his knees, Raph pressed the clear mask and chamber over Emery's mouth and nose. “Yah ready?” There was no need for an answer, Raph knew she was more than. With a press of a finger, the inhaler ejected its life saving treatment. 

Everyone watched as Emery took in a shallow, prolonged, and visibly painful breath in. As the seconds passed, she finally and slowly exhaled. Her eyes opened, still heavy and wet from her tears but in them was a sign of relief. Her brows visibly relaxed and her muscles unstiffened. 

“Do yah need anotha’ puff?” 

Emery's eyes jumped over to Raph. His eyes had lost the hardness she saw when she first arrived. When they stared at her with malintent and hatred. The gold tones thawed from the frozen and they gleamed in all their former glory. Spectacularly beautiful. Inhaling once more, the tightness around her chest was fleeting and the wheezing vanishing with every small breath she took. She shook her head, signaling to Raph that it was okay to remove the mask. 

“Go turn on tha hot water in tha shower Mikey, an’ don't forget tah close tha door behind yah.” 

Without question, Mikey rushed off. “You got it brah!” 

“What's the shower for?” Leo asked puzzled. 

“Tah help her with her breathin’.” 

Leo stared in both awe and bewilderment at his brothers knowledge on his administration of first aid for an attack and his attentiveness to Emery. The softer and more nurturing side of Raph was seen only the rarest of occasions, almost exclusively shown to their father when he came down with the flu or common cold. Calm, reassuring, and thorough. Raph had this situation under control, not him. As much as he wanted to step in and take over now that Emery was recovering, he refrained from doing so. 

“It's done!” Mikey yelled sprinting back.

Knowing what she needed, Raph was not going to ask Emery if she could walk over to the makeshift steam room. Her symptoms were subsiding and her breath was beginning to normalize. Easily, she could push him away and with honor boy Leo by her side, there would be no way of staying close. Instead, he took it upon himself to get her there in the fastest and most secure way he knew how, in his arms. “Grab on.” He said, already slipping an arm under her stretched legs and securing the other around her back. 

Without thinking, Emery's arms reached out and hung around Raph’s muscular neck. She didn't have to hold tight. Raph held her close, firmly securing her small frame in his enormity. Her hands unintentionally skimmed the surface of his skin, feeling the rough patches of scales that covered the majority of his body. She found the texture under her hands comforting and the rocking motion from Raphs stride soothing. 

The warm steam engulfed them as Raph reached the shower. Emery could feel the heat from the water rushing out of the jets. She focused on the sound of the water pounding on the concrete floor instead of the questions she wanted answers too. How did Raph know about the spare inhaler? How did he know she had asthma when no one else knew? Most importantly, she wanted to know why he helped her? 

She pushed her need for answers aside for the time being. For now, she lay her head atop of Raph's shoulder, attempting to do no more than breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! I am so sorry this chapter took forever to finish! I am already working on the next chapter so hopefully that will be up before Thanksgiving :) 
> 
> Thank you so much for taking the time and reading this story. It truly means the world to me.


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